I'm starting to miss them. The problem with irregular hours is that you really have to shift your schedule around and stick to it. I'm not doing that. I'm going to school in the morning to the afternoon, kickboxing in the afternoon, work at night, I'm taking naps and getting sleep in whenever I can a few hours at a time and then I'm left awake in the middle of the night...like now.
Just finished watching the Bernard Hopkins and Kelly Pavlik fight. I like both fighters but it was a surprising fight. There will probably be excuses, Pavlik's elbow wasn't all that great, Pavlik over trained, Pavlik wasn't used to moving up a weight class to figh Bhop, regardless of all that Pavlik didn't look like himself that night, didn't throw his championship winning jabs and just didn't look like he was there to fight. Bernard Hopkins however was masterful in the ring and looked like he was fighting in his prime. The Executioner was fighting backwards the entire time but he would slip or step back then step forward with the counters. Cross hook, jab cross uppercut. His footwork was a lesson in boxing that I was definitely taking notes on. Slip on the fringe of the punch, if caught on the inside duck and move away. Push off with the back foot moving forward to answer with three quick shots then move out. It's everything I've been trying to learn and perfect in kickboxing and it was demonstrated to perfection in that fight.
Probably should get some studying in, something productive while I'm up, I have an exam coming up next week and I've been remiss in attending class due to my recent comatose state over the past week.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Existentialism in front of a computer monitor
We've been dabbling with psychoanalytic therapies in my critical thinking psychology class. We're going over existentialism, it's technically the first time I've actually dealt with the subject material formally. To my surprise I find a lot of existentialism makes sense to me and it really seems to click for me. I'm highly intrigued and I'm interested in reading some more on the subject material. I think it's philosophical proximity to Buddhism is certainly a factor for my interest and understanding.
Anyway we have to write journal entries for the class reflecting on our lives in association with material we discuss in class. I usually write mine up an hour before class, assuming I feel like writing and don't have a bout of writer's block. Anyway I enjoyed the subject enough that I figured I'd post up my musings on the subject. Enjoy.
Will Chandler
Psych Crit Thinking Self Help, Therapy
Journal Oct 20/08
Existentialism makes sense to me and I find myself intrigued and drawn to the theory. It seems like the concept is depressing at first glance, when you hear phrases like “god is dead,” “humans are essentially alone in the world,” and that “death is inevitable” you don’t exactly think of rainbows and lollypops and unicorns. There is a cognitive understanding of how existentialism works. You realize these noble truths and from such epiphanies come anxiety, coping and coming to term with such anxiety is then a freeing end game where you become responsible for your own actions and the freedom experience by living in the moment. Yet it feels like to truly experience and understand it and to live purposely seems like an entirely different and difficult beast. It’s one thing to intellectualize the concept but to internalize it.
Are there extremes to existentialism? If existentialism draws the conclusion that death is inevitable would there not be different interpretations of what to make about such a conclusion. Nietche is often attributed for starting the nihilistic movement, if death is inevitable would it be reasonable then to conclude that everything is meaningless and become overwhelmingly apathetic or depressed from such a conclusion? Or what about the other extreme, could you become incredibly hedonistic, to the point where responsibilities and burden are insignificant and trivial. Is there a correct way to existentialism and a wrong way? Certainly one would assume so and that extremes are rarely ever good in any situation. If everything is meaningless it is thus our responsibility to find meaning. Yet, how is that possible if everything’s meaningless? I feel like I could talk in circles for days about existentialism and not do anything productive other than muse or brood depending on the extreme. Though I suppose that would defeat the purpose of existentialism altogether wouldn’t it?.
I’ve always been taught that anything is possible if you put in the work and effort. It absolutely bugs me to believe that things aren’t in my control and that I can’t determine the outcome, to me I can always do better, work harder, try harder, there is no perfect outcome I’m comfortable with. So when I fail or falter I’m pretty shattered by the outcome. I isolate and I’ve always considered such isolations a replacement for suicide or death since I usually spend my isolation entombed in my coffin of a bed “sleeping away my life.” That’s what my mother would say, or yell rather to be more precise. I apologize way too much. I feel responsible for everything and in a way, one that I’ve never thought of before, that’s quite narcissistic and egotistical of me. I cling onto people, I’m a very dependent personality type, I’m always following people around, following friends around, I’m the straight guy to the comedian. I don’t mind it, I like it, I know why I like it, it makes me feel like I’m meaningful to these people and that gives me meaning. Yet an existentialist would say that’s incorrect. That such meaning is false. A Buddhist would argue that such attachment will only lead to suffering. I need to be able to find meaning and purpose in myself, I shouldn’t prop myself with other people as crutches for my ego. Of course, this brings me back to my earlier statement, easier said than done. Thus my depression and anxiety comes from my fear that I can’t find meaning in myself and that I can’t cope being alone.
One thing that bothers me about existentialism is the idea that there are no psychological disorders. Existentialism makes sense to me but I don’t believe in the idea that you can just be happy by just being happy. (Yes I just realized that I’ve gone over the 2 page limit but I don’t care, I feel I need to write about this) Certainly I think there’s a great deal that mentality, especially a positive mentality can go a long way. I’ve heard of therapy techniques from India or somewhere where people wake up and they sit in a big group and instead of doing yoga they just laugh. Laugh for the heck of it and it apparently reduces stress and such. I think though that there is a ceiling to how much a don’t worry be happy mentality can achieve, I feel like biological factors are not considered at all by existentialism. The reason I started using antidepressants was because I was perfectly healthy physically, I was doing well socially, academically and what not and yet I was still unhappy when I had no logical reason to be. Perhaps the existentialist would argue that there was an another underlying problem that was causing my unhappiness and anxiety. So pop some pills and for whatever reason I feel like I can cope and I feel better. I stop taking pills and I experience light headedness and relapse of my old symptoms of depression ( sleep induced isolation). I think biological factors are real. Or maybe not and maybe the concept of believing I have a chemical imbalance and swallowing a pill in itself was some psychological placebo effect that truly affected my outcome. Maybe the intuitive nature I possess can’t let go of the scientific boundaries and borders and structures and are in conflict with my existentialistic rebirth.
Anyway we have to write journal entries for the class reflecting on our lives in association with material we discuss in class. I usually write mine up an hour before class, assuming I feel like writing and don't have a bout of writer's block. Anyway I enjoyed the subject enough that I figured I'd post up my musings on the subject. Enjoy.
Will Chandler
Psych Crit Thinking Self Help, Therapy
Journal Oct 20/08
Existentialism makes sense to me and I find myself intrigued and drawn to the theory. It seems like the concept is depressing at first glance, when you hear phrases like “god is dead,” “humans are essentially alone in the world,” and that “death is inevitable” you don’t exactly think of rainbows and lollypops and unicorns. There is a cognitive understanding of how existentialism works. You realize these noble truths and from such epiphanies come anxiety, coping and coming to term with such anxiety is then a freeing end game where you become responsible for your own actions and the freedom experience by living in the moment. Yet it feels like to truly experience and understand it and to live purposely seems like an entirely different and difficult beast. It’s one thing to intellectualize the concept but to internalize it.
Are there extremes to existentialism? If existentialism draws the conclusion that death is inevitable would there not be different interpretations of what to make about such a conclusion. Nietche is often attributed for starting the nihilistic movement, if death is inevitable would it be reasonable then to conclude that everything is meaningless and become overwhelmingly apathetic or depressed from such a conclusion? Or what about the other extreme, could you become incredibly hedonistic, to the point where responsibilities and burden are insignificant and trivial. Is there a correct way to existentialism and a wrong way? Certainly one would assume so and that extremes are rarely ever good in any situation. If everything is meaningless it is thus our responsibility to find meaning. Yet, how is that possible if everything’s meaningless? I feel like I could talk in circles for days about existentialism and not do anything productive other than muse or brood depending on the extreme. Though I suppose that would defeat the purpose of existentialism altogether wouldn’t it?.
I’ve always been taught that anything is possible if you put in the work and effort. It absolutely bugs me to believe that things aren’t in my control and that I can’t determine the outcome, to me I can always do better, work harder, try harder, there is no perfect outcome I’m comfortable with. So when I fail or falter I’m pretty shattered by the outcome. I isolate and I’ve always considered such isolations a replacement for suicide or death since I usually spend my isolation entombed in my coffin of a bed “sleeping away my life.” That’s what my mother would say, or yell rather to be more precise. I apologize way too much. I feel responsible for everything and in a way, one that I’ve never thought of before, that’s quite narcissistic and egotistical of me. I cling onto people, I’m a very dependent personality type, I’m always following people around, following friends around, I’m the straight guy to the comedian. I don’t mind it, I like it, I know why I like it, it makes me feel like I’m meaningful to these people and that gives me meaning. Yet an existentialist would say that’s incorrect. That such meaning is false. A Buddhist would argue that such attachment will only lead to suffering. I need to be able to find meaning and purpose in myself, I shouldn’t prop myself with other people as crutches for my ego. Of course, this brings me back to my earlier statement, easier said than done. Thus my depression and anxiety comes from my fear that I can’t find meaning in myself and that I can’t cope being alone.
One thing that bothers me about existentialism is the idea that there are no psychological disorders. Existentialism makes sense to me but I don’t believe in the idea that you can just be happy by just being happy. (Yes I just realized that I’ve gone over the 2 page limit but I don’t care, I feel I need to write about this) Certainly I think there’s a great deal that mentality, especially a positive mentality can go a long way. I’ve heard of therapy techniques from India or somewhere where people wake up and they sit in a big group and instead of doing yoga they just laugh. Laugh for the heck of it and it apparently reduces stress and such. I think though that there is a ceiling to how much a don’t worry be happy mentality can achieve, I feel like biological factors are not considered at all by existentialism. The reason I started using antidepressants was because I was perfectly healthy physically, I was doing well socially, academically and what not and yet I was still unhappy when I had no logical reason to be. Perhaps the existentialist would argue that there was an another underlying problem that was causing my unhappiness and anxiety. So pop some pills and for whatever reason I feel like I can cope and I feel better. I stop taking pills and I experience light headedness and relapse of my old symptoms of depression ( sleep induced isolation). I think biological factors are real. Or maybe not and maybe the concept of believing I have a chemical imbalance and swallowing a pill in itself was some psychological placebo effect that truly affected my outcome. Maybe the intuitive nature I possess can’t let go of the scientific boundaries and borders and structures and are in conflict with my existentialistic rebirth.
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